Ever felt uneasy in a situation but couldn’t quite put your finger on why? Maybe you went along with something you weren’t entirely comfortable with, but at the time, it was hard to explain. You’re not alone—many of us have experienced this. The term "consent" has gained significant attention recently, but it's more than just a trendy buzzword. Searches for "consent" surged during the #MeToo movement in 2017 and spiked again in 2021 with high-profile cases of sexual misconduct. In the Philippines, interest in consent hit a new high in 2022 when the legal age of sexual consent was raised from 12 to 16. But what does consent truly mean, and why is it so crucial for women to understand and embrace it?
We’ve Always Felt It, But Now We Can Name It
Before "consent" became a common term, many of us, especially women, had an instinctive sense that something was wrong when our boundaries weren’t respected. We might have wondered, "Should I really be doing this if I don’t want to?" We didn’t always have the vocabulary to articulate those feelings. Knowing the term "consent" empowers us to voice our discomfort and say "no" with confidence. It’s not limited to sexual situations—it applies to every aspect of life, from standing up to a pushy friend to dealing with an overbearing boss. With consent, we’re encouraged to speak up because we recognize that our agreement matters.
We Asked Women in Our Community to Share Their Thoughts About Consent
To better understand how consent impacts women today, we reached out to seven women in our community. Their insights offer valuable perspectives on why consent is crucial and how it influences their lives.
Learning About Consent: Different Ages, Different Lessons
Kinsy (39) first learned about consent at 17. Yet, even then, the full gravity of what consent meant wasn’t entirely clear. Her understanding has since evolved into recognizing consent as not just giving permission but embracing the consequences of our "Yes." Similarly, Crizy, 34, started learning about consent in her early teens. Over time, her understanding expanded from simply respecting boundaries to seeing consent as essential in every form of relationship. Crizy recalls how her awareness of consent initially came through conversations about boundaries and respect. However, it was only through maturing and gaining experiences that she truly grasped the depth and importance of consent in all relationships, not just physical ones.
Nez, at 40, reflects on her late teenage years when cultural expectations often overshadowed her comfort. The societal pressure to show physical affection as a sign of respect made her internalize the belief that refusal was disrespectful. It wasn't until she grew older that she realized her right to say no, even in seemingly trivial situations like hugging relatives.
For others, like Miko (35) and Em (40), learning about consent was a gradual and somewhat recent process. They realized that understanding consent involves more than knowing its dictionary definition—it's about embracing the autonomy it grants us. Sophie, at just 22, discovered consent early in her pre-teen years but only later grasped its profound importance. Initially, it was framed in a basic way—a simple checklist from "don’t do this, don’t do that" talks in school. As she matured, she had a moment of clarity that completely shifted her perspective, realizing that consent is about understanding and respecting boundaries.
Defining Consent: More Than Just a 'Yes'
Each person’s definition of consent reflects their journey and growth. For Kinsy, consent goes beyond simple agreement; it's about understanding the full impact of saying "Yes." She explains, "My older/wiser self would say that consent is more than agreeing to do something or allowing something to be done. It is also about embracing with full knowledge the consequences/impact of our Yes."
Crizy sees consent as mutual respect and a freely given "Yes" that respects personal boundaries. She defines it as, "A clear resounding 'yes' given freely and without pressure in any situation, whether physical, emotional, or intellectual." Consent is ongoing and can be retracted at any time, ensuring that it's more than just a one-time agreement.
Nez emphasizes the importance of consent being freely given and not coerced. "Consent is essential for building healthy and respectful relationships," she notes. Iris views consent as the willingness and active desire to participate. "It's the freely given 'yes' to any type or form of situation that you as an individual would want to experience and be a part of," she states.
Miko believes that consent means giving clear, voluntary agreement, recognizing and respecting personal boundaries. "For me, consent means giving clear agreement to something. It should be given voluntarily and not forced," he says. Em recently understood consent as something more intentional—knowing fully what is voluntary and what isn’t. She remarks, "Knowing fully well what is voluntary to what is not, and still allowing that or giving permission to it is consent for me."
For Sophie, consent is about mutual empowerment and shared respect. "It's not just a simple 'yes' but a dynamic, ongoing dialogue where both parties are fully aware, fully engaged, and fully on board," she explains. Consent is fluid and can change at any time, and that's perfectly okay.
Educating Others: Making Consent a Daily Conversation
Educating others about consent requires more than just formal lessons—it's about making consent a part of everyday life. Kinsy suggests focusing on the long-term impact of saying "Yes," especially to irreversible requests. Crizy believes in starting with open, honest conversations about boundaries and mutual respect, teaching self-awareness and empathy from an early age. She emphasizes the importance of making consent part of everyday discussions, not just in physical contexts. Teaching self and social awareness, active listening, empathy, and respect for others' autonomy, along with clear communication skills, can help build a deeper understanding of consent.
Educating Others: Making Consent a Daily Conversation
Educating others about consent requires more than just formal lessons—it's about making consent a part of everyday life. Kinsy suggests focusing on the long-term impact of saying "Yes," especially to irreversible requests. Crizy believes in starting with open, honest conversations about boundaries and mutual respect, teaching self-awareness and empathy from an early age. She emphasizes, "We can start by practicing open, honest conversations about boundaries and mutual respect from an early age. It's important to make consent part of everyday discussions, not just in the context of physical interactions."
Nez advocates for integrating comprehensive consent education into school curricula, starting from preschool. "Given my personal experience and my role in education, I believe it is crucial to integrate comprehensive consent education into school curricula at all levels," she suggests. This can include role-playing and simulations to understand consent's nuances and bystander intervention training.
Moving Forward: Embedding Consent into Our Culture
Understanding and practicing consent is a lifelong journey. It's about more than just saying "Yes" or "No"; it's about creating a culture of mutual respect, where boundaries are honored, and autonomy is valued. By integrating consent into everyday conversations and interactions, we can build a world where respect isn’t optional—it’s the standard.
When consent becomes a way of life, it shifts from being just a concept to being the foundation of how we treat each other. As we continue to learn and grow, let’s strive to make consent an integral part of our culture, fostering an environment where everyone feels seen, heard, and respected.
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